Hello there

This is todays blog post. As I previously stated, it was not my intention to make this a regular or coherent blog, but rather a site where I can post my musing and ramblings as and when I need to.


Following from this, we thus conclude that Douglas sucks, as he expect me to write new blog posts every day. For shame, Douglas, for shame. I wish I'd never told you about my blog, but alas I was drunk and such things happen.


On better news, I finally got paid today. Huzzah! £145, going into my bank account right now. The Orange Box is so, so, close now.

*salivates in anticipation*



Oh, btw, I hate the 'powered by Scribe Fire' message that appears under here. It bloody well isn't powered by scribe fire, it's powered by my own blood, sweat and tears. Well, not really those (fluids + computers = bad things), but you get the gist. Scribe Fire merely uses some ancient black magic to allow me to post to this blog through my browser (Firefox FTW!). Bah.








NEWS JUST IN

Crysis single player demo is now out. Downloading now. Oh my god, I can't fucking wait; at last, a chance to show off my stupidly overpowered computer. God bless you, directX10 :p

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Damn you, Douglas

Bah, so I just happened to mention the fact that I have a blog last night, and now Doug wants a link to it. Bloody typical. This is why I don't get drunk.


Oh, another reason why I don't get drunk is that I do fucking stupid things like asking out Ellie and Jess via text. Oh, such fun to be had properly explaining myself. I've sort of talked to Ellie, but meh. I am too bloody stupid at times... damn my lack of inhibitions.

Oh yes, I also recall prancing around, pretending to be Master Chief. Brilliant. Now everyone thinks I'm a game-addicted twat :p


On the plus side, I've sort of worked out how to snap my fingers. No, not in the awfully painful, broken-bones way, but instead the act of producing a 'snap' noise by rubbing two fingers against each other. You know what I mean. It would appear that whilst I am unable to do this when sober, being drunk endows me with the curious ability to perform it perfectly. Wonders will never cease. I feel that I should return to a drunken state in order to test this observation more thoroughly...

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Woo, easy easy blogging!

Just added in a nice new plug-in for Firefox, whereby I can post to this blog without having to go through the hassle of loading up blogger, signing in, clicking on new post, etc.

Ah, the joy of minimizing workload :)



On an additional note, In Rainbows is the sex. It is a godlike album. Thankyou, Radiohead.

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Salutations

Gah, I've been planning on writing another blog post, but for some reason just haven't been getting around to it. I don't think anyone reads this, but if you do, many apologies.

Well, I unfortunately think that I may not have been quite as successful in abandoning this infatuation than I thought I had been. It isn't as bad as it was, but now I still think that I have feelings for Jess. It's annoying, because like I've previously said, it's entirely obvious she has no feelings for me. Gah, damn these emotions.

In other news, absolutely nothing of worth has really been happening. Sometimes I loath the fact that my life is so monotonous.

Anyways, my shoulder's hurting and I have to go get dinner. Off to a party tonight, so should be good. And I finally got paid! Success!

Hopefully I'll be making this more of a regular feature, so see you around!

Good things don't come to those who wait; so why bother? Happiness entails.

Well...

I'm glad to say that this infatuation is finally over, I think. I had what could be called an epiphany; that it's better to finally give up my hopes that have quite blatantly been in vain, and to move on with the rest of my life. Ultimately, it was self-destructive, and I'm glad to get it over with.

In regards to the girl who was the center of this, I'm glad to be able to see her as a friend. Perhaps counter-intuitively, it would seem that now I am no longer emotionally involved (it's quite amusing to consider that she has no knowledge of this), I can open up to her more.

Ah well. Hopefully, from now on I should be feeling a lot better. Huzzah!

Look out, Keats

Ah, the joys of adolescent love poetry. So many cringe-worthy lines, so many complex concepts brutally chopped to fit the impromptu and rubbish rhyme scheme...

Please, never speak of this again. At least I can only go upwards from here.

Were that I was such a liar,

As to admit without impediment

The extent of my true desire.

Alas, it seems, I be not that

Instead my body is eroded long

For I remain in constant flux

'tween two conflicting sentiments.

(As do you, you alluring bitch)

Absolution is drawn away,

by those cruel tormentors of nerves and shame.

But I will never see the day

When I can speak without wrought bounds,

When I can make you understand my thoughts,

Upon that concept lies the crux.

You are the cause of all my pain.

(Yet you do not recognise it)

Hate is forceful and strong and bold.

An irony, then, that it consumes me,

Languishing in that love I hold.

A dichotomy inherent

Or so it would seem; I wish it were not.

Neglected are my wishes such,

Though you would never care to see.

(Amusing; through your rhetoric

You're correct- I am pathetic)

Oh what?

No more German congratulation message after each post. It is indeed a sad day.


Ooh, brightened somewhat hesitantly by the fact that TopGear is back on. Huzzah!

Discordia

Well, whent to a decent party last night at Jess's. Had a good time, all in all, although I found it a bit odd when Jess's mum's partner Mike started giving Adam some weed and smoking it in the kitchen. In front of everyone else.

Ah well, nothing to do with me.

Currently reading the most brilliant book(s) ever written; The Illuminatus Trilogy. It simultaeneously makes absolutely no sense and the most sense ever; moreover, it's funny. I need more funny stuff in my life.

It's also made me start applying a Discordian style of thinking to my life. I like it. I like it a lot.

I'm infatuated with this girl. To some, it's quite obvious who she is, but in the small, small chance that she is reading this (although, of course, Blogs are for people with no lives heh), I shall call her girl X.

So, this infatuation, right? It's quite simply tearing me apart. As much as I want her, the more I realise that I will never have her, and it hurts. It seems to me that it's a form of unrequited love, but that just sounds so pathetic.

But, look at it this way. Emotions are purely subjective. They are applicable to each person independantly. There is no way of knowing whether my version of 'love' is the same as her version of 'love'. Henceforth, even if I tell her I love her, she has no way of knowing what that truly means. And from this, problems arise, because a direct result of her inability to apply her concepts to mine will lead to her categorising me into a particular set. That's the way that we as a society are conditioned; everything that we cannot understand we group together in vague areas that we pretend we know. Of course, that's bullshit; what will happen is that in her eyes I will stop being a friend and be lumped into the box of 'Dipshit lover boys who can't keep their eyes off me'.

And, as might be somewhat evident, this will slightly hamper any chances I have of either:
a) Going out with her
b) Remaining friends with her


So, my dilema is this: Do I keep this internal conflict going, all the while growing even more depressed and introverted until I am completely obsessed by this and am unable to even articulate my feelings on the subject into an impersonal and detached form, vis a vis this blog, or do I eventuall crack and tell her how I'm feeling, which would essentially terminate our current standing as friends and either work amazingly well, or horribly, terribly badly.

Ultimately, it comes down to: Do I care more about myself, or about my relatoinship with her?

At the moment, I have no clear answer. How I wish she could just pick up on everything and say something...






Hmm, as of now, a plan emerges. Deliberately get myself completely pissed, reveal all to her, then fall asleep and pretend nothing ever happened.

Sounds like a plan; and Adams birthday party is soon, so who knows


Whatever, essentially whatever happens, I still look like a twat.


Awesome...





Oh, and apparently I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being. I think Jess likes me.